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Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Every...Single...Hour...I feel so needy


Wow, I can not believe its been over a year since I blogged! If you know me personally you probably realize thats because of the blessings in my business. Royal Icing has boomed and its a very rare I have a bake free day. This week however is slow and I've been feeling crummy physically, so I have some time off.

I have been feeling the pull to come back to blogging a lot lately. I tend to SHARE a lot of me on facebook. This drives my husband crazy, but its who I am. I wear my heart on my sleeve. I share joys and triumphs, I share battles and pains, I share our family...I honestly don't do it to say HEY LOOK AT ME! If you knew me growing up, I was very very shy. I wanted to be invisible. But as I've become an adult and Ive had struggles and overcome a lot of things as well, I have felt like most people seem to like the fact that I am so open. They may be going thru the same things I am. So I do it because I feel that when someone else is going thru what I'm going thru and they tell me about it, I don't feel so alone. None of us want to feel alone.

This year has been full of crazy ups and downs. I've shared a lot and I've kept a lot in. From the stresses of finances and feeling like change was so needed, but so far away, to the huge blessing of my husband's new job. From the joy of our first real family vacation that was a much needed break after months of non stop busy-ness, to loss of friends, family members, and heartbreak of family situations. And I know so many that have been going thru the same things. They get me, and I get them. We all need that.

One of my biggest blessings and biggest struggles at the same time is my business. Balancing everything with the success I've been blessed with. My cupcake business keeps me soooo busy and I feel so very blessed how far it has come. In my wildest dreams I couldn't have seen things go this fast! My goal for 2014 is to get those doors open to our storefront and I TRUST that it WILL happen! Even thru that blessing, I have fears. Not necessarily of success, I truly feel the Lord is not gonna set me up to fail. My fear is hiring people I trust, being a blessing to my customers, how long I'll have use of my hands due to my physical ailments that get worse all the time. My fear is how can I keep up with this and my family and not feel like I'm neglecting those that mean the most to me? My fear is, will they resent me? Its all put in my mind by Satan. Fear and Exhaustion are 2 of his biggest weapons against us.

I say all this because even in my times of greatest blessing, I need my Lord. I need Him every single minute of every day. My husband referred to my spiritual emotions to bipolar one day when I was really struggling. And it has stuck with me. I don't want to be that way in my faith in God. But he was right. We had just received word of GREAT blessing for our family, and also were dealing with some other struggles that were just honestly wearing me down. I felt sooooo high one minute and completely defeated less than an hour later. Why? Cause I wasn't trusting God enough. And Satan knew it. That nasty old devil really kicks you when you're down. I wasn't keeping the Lord with me at all times. I was questioning Him...Why would you make us feel like things are ok and then punch me in the gut, Lord? That's not what He was doing of course. But its how I justified my behavior and my lack of faith. I realized over the last few months that I can't pick up my faith and then drop it off whenever I feel like it. I need to hold on to it at all times. Keep the Lord with me AT ALL TIMES! I need HIM! I hate feeling needy, I really do. I don't like asking for help...I have TRUE anxiety over it. But, God says to ASK! He says to 'COME TO ME, JILL, YOU, WHO ARE WEARY AND HEAVY LADEN! I WILL GIVE YOU REST!!' So I'm trying my hardest to do that now. To let Him know on a daily, even sometimes hourly, basis that I need Him. Ohhhh how I need Him! Every Hour I NEED HIM! Don't be stubborn like me. Don't become wavering and unsteady in your faith. Hold strong and ask for help when you need Him to carry you! He is the only ONE who can. He is our ONE DEFENSE!



Lord, I come, I confess
Bowing here I find my rest
Without You I fall apart
You're the One that guides my heart

Lord, I need You, oh, I need You
Every hour I need You
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You

Where sin runs deep Your grace is more
Where grace is found is where You are
And where You are, Lord, I am free
Holiness is Christ in me

Lord, I need You, oh, I need You
Every hour I need You
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You

Teach my song to rise to You
When temptation comes my way
And when I cannot stand I'll fall on You
Jesus, You're my hope and stay

Lord, I need You, oh, I need You
Every hour I need You
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You

You're my one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You

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