Soften my heart...

I need to be broken again. People are irritating me wayyyy too much lately. Maybe I'm just in an ultra sensitive mood lately, I don't know. But my heart is hard, my mind is racing all the time, and my relationship with God and others is suffering because of it. Why can I not get out of this funk?

You are the potter I am the clay! Lord, mold me and make me! And if need be, break me...

Sometimes you just need an old hymn...

Have Thine own way, Lord! Have Thine own way!
Thou art the Potter, I am the clay.
Mold me and make me after Thy will,
While I am waiting, yielded and still.

Have Thine own way, Lord! Have Thine own way!
Search me and try me, Master, today!
Whiter than snow, Lord, wash me just now,
As in Thy presence humbly I bow.

Have Thine own way, Lord! Have Thine own way!
Wounded and weary, help me, I pray!
Power, all power, surely is Thine!
Touch me and heal me, Savior divine.

Leap of Faith...

I'm ready for a new adventure...yep...sure am! I'll explain later. Until then...pray for us, and our leap of faith! I know its gonna be awesome!

Pfffft!

You ever get the feeling that people aren't as happy for you as you would think they'd be over blessings in your life? It's really a bummer when you feel that way. This is all I'm writing since if I don't have anything nice to say, I shouldn't say anything at all.

~Disheartened

My friend Aimz posted an old journal of hers from cafemom today. It sent me looking at some of my old ones. I went searching for this one in particular because last nite the snow was very similar to this and it seems my spirit is in a very similar place right now as it was when I wrote this back in November 2007. This journal was written after the crazy nite we went to the midnite Black Friday sale at Jeffersonville outlets(which we will never do again). ;) So since I've had a bit of writer's block and spiritual battle...I hope you can get something out of this like I did!



Living in the Midwest there is one thing we don't go without in any given year-snow. You either love it or hate it. Well I'd say I love it if it only landed on roof tops and grass or areas you didnt have to walk or drive on. So I guess I'm not much of a snow lover cause that would only happen by an act of God. But as I sit here contemplating all the things going on in our lives right now, questioning, praying, wondering of our future...I am reminded of the one really cool thing about my crazy outlet shopping experience Thursday nite.

Its 10pm, we are in line to wait out what will be a very cold waste of my time. Its been sleeting, but now its snow. Its not just any snow though-it was a snow that I've never in my life experienced. It was BEAUTIFUL! Each flake was designed and dropping down like shiny crystals. It was like God was sitting above us and delicately cutting out each individual flake-like we used to make when we were kids-but gorgeous! They were falling on our gloves, our heads, our shirts...they were sooo pretty. I wish I could show you. If i hadnt downsized my purse for the shopping trip-I would have had my camera dang it! So there is my one blessing out of that awful nitemare of crazy shoppers! lol And thinking about it now is helping me see God's power. He has a design for each of our lives. Each one He delicately cuts out and each one is different. I have to have patience for my questions, my thoughts...I know this. He is designing a beautiful future for my little family. I know when I get my answers I will again be in awe of Him, His design, His ultimate wisdom.

Jeremiah 18:1-4
1 This is the word that came to Jeremiah from the LORD : 2 "Go down to the potter's house, and there I will give you my message." 3 So I went down to the potter's house, and I saw him working at the wheel. 4 But the pot he was shaping from the clay was marred in his hands; so the potter formed it into another pot, shaping it as seemed best to him.

Stagnant...

I've been standing in stagnant water for a while. I've had such a hard time focusing lately and in turn had a hard time with my Bible Studies, blogging, a lot of things. I'm not really sure why! I have so much to be excited about. I haven't felt well, terrible (probably worst of my life) sinus infection for going on 6 weeks now. But I still don't know why I'm having such issues. I think I'm honestly a little discouraged and tired. Dave won a contest that will give us $1000 for our Africa trip. Im thrilled! What a huge addition to our account! But here I sit wondering why so many of my friends can raise the funds for a mission trip in a matter of weeks and its taken Dave and I over a year and we aren't even at 50%. I know there is a reason. I know my health needed taken care of and things happened where we wouldn't have been able to go when originally planned...I just wish for once I could see the future. Winter has me down and extremely burnt out on OH too. I'm dying for the opportunity to move back to TX. Although I can't see ever leaving our church. Can we just pick up and move everyone? I think I just need the Lord to come take me by the hand and take me for a nice walk so we can chat. I need a pick me up. Pray for me...for open heart and mind...for focus! For no headache!

Setting out to Stand on a Mountain...

Have I said yet, how much this Ladies Bible study seems to know exactly what's going on in my life? Beth Moore, did you plant a camera or bug in my house? God is more and more amazing to me all the time. He's sneaky, I'll tell ya! It has taken me 4 days of writing and editing to finally publish this post. Im figuring either God had more to show me that i wasn't seeing, or He knew that someone else would need it on this day...or Both! He does know best!

We are so quick to play spiritual when everything is going smoothly aren't we? Praise the Lord, it's a blessed day! We're on top of the world! GOD IS GOOD! And sometimes we can't even get it thru the gritting of our teeth when things are rough. We hold hope thru tears and praise Him, trusting this is only for a season. But when we are smack in the middle of lowest point in that valley...sometimes we forget that He's still with us. God hasn't fallen asleep at the last stop...He hasn't ran off to the next leg of the race without us either. He's there...even when we can't seem to find Him.

Psalm 125:1
"They that trust in the LORD shall be as mount Zion, which cannot be removed, but abideth for ever."

Psalm 30:6,7
"And in my prosperity I said, I shall never be moved.
LORD, by thy favour thou hast made my mountain to stand strong: thou didst hide thy face, and I was troubled."

There have been moments in my life over the years where sometimes I just forgot that I needed God. When I forgot, He was sure there to remind me. But I didn't always find Him at first. Sometimes I felt He was too busy with everyone else or just not interested in me because maybe I don't deserve His attention. Even now, I struggle with this now and then. I admit just in the past year There have been many moments that I wanted to ask why I wasn't feeling Him. Where did He go? What happened to this never leaving or forsaking business??? But once again my Bible study has given me a slap to wake me up. God's promises are true. I believe that with all my heart. I know some promises are yet to be fulfilled here on earth and will be heavenly promises. But we should rely whole heartedly on the words our Father says to us. Last week we learned that God is for us...He's on our side, and He's our strength. If GOD is for us then WHO can be against us?! But don't we feel sometimes like EVERYONE & EVERYTHING is against us? Today the study discusses Psalm 125. It tells us that those who trust in the Lord are like Mount Zion...we CANNOT be moved!

an excerpt from our Study Workbook...
"God is with us and for us even when is face and favor seem hidden. Mountain-like security only comes from trusting God, not what He's done for or given us, however glorious and eternal those things may be...The difference between trusting God and trusting what God has done is a fine line we can easily trip over ..."

Boy does that ring true!? We are currently studying faith in our Young Adult class. I think in today's world Christians, no matter how strongly they believe in Christ and have faith in His salvation, we can often struggle with faith in his hand on our lives. Its so easy when we are on the Mountain tops...but will we remain with our eyes looking up when we are traveling thru the valley? Im gonna stop this post now, but there will be more on this subject to follow. Its something that comes about in several seasons of our lives and something to keep building on. So here is one of the songs Dave and I sing that I just felt was totally fit for this post and the heartsong of my day.



"Mountain Of God"

Thought that I was all alone
Broken and afraid
But You were there with me
Yes, You were there with me

And I didn't even know
That I had lost my way
But You were there with me
Yes, You were there with me

'Til You opened up my eyes
I never knew
That I couldn't ever make it
Without You

Even though the journey's long
And I know the road is hard
Well, the One who's gone before me
He will help me carry on
After all that I've been through
Now I realize the truth
That I must go through the valley
To stand upon the mountain of God

As I travel on the road
That You have lead me down
You are here with me
Yes, You are here with me
I have need for nothing more
Oh, now that I have found
That You are here with me
Yes, You are here with me

I confess from time to time
I lose my way
But You are always there
To bring me back again

Sometimes I think of where it is I've come from
And the things I've left behind
But of all I've had, what I possessed
Nothing can quite compare
With what's in front of me
With what's in front of me