This is a post that is gonna be nearly impossible for me to get thru without drowning my laptop with tears. But its one I need to get out...its a song in my heart and one I know a lot of others could benefit from as they may be dealing with similar struggles.
Laura Story-Blessings
This song...I can not listen to without feeling the presence of God. Which is awesome, and emotional, and something I need every single day. This past year has been full of blessings for my family...honestly when a lot of folks are struggling with jobs, finances, failing businesses, etc...my little household has been better off than ever. I praise God for His goodness! In the past year we have gone from being a 1 scary vehicle, (could drop dead on us at any moment in the fast lane)family to a 2 brand new cars with full warranties and no worries family. Granted the payments have forced me to drop my daily Starbucks habit and settle for Instant Vias and a treat now and then, less easy dining at restaurants, and less shopping for purses, clothes, etc...but we have been blessed to make it all work. My business, Royal Icing by Jillie, within the last year has probably grown 10 times the amount of work I was getting before. I was able to quit in home child-care to do my passion full time. We have become a licensed company, bought the rights to our (work still in progress) website and we are working towards a storefront. Next on our list is the house-hunt. Which after years of longing for a home to call our own, to have space, to decorate, and to settle into, is finally in our grasp and I trust it won't be too long now. To God be the Glory, great things He hath done!
So why do I need this song? Why do I need reminding every single day of His blessings when they are obviously all around me? Why do I still whine that life isn't fair?
Even when our life is full of blessing, we still all have our struggles. I struggle with pain-from fibromyalgia and blood disorders. I try really hard not to complain too much about it, especially publically, but I'm human and sometimes I just really get ticked off and tired of it. It's not fun. But I'm blessed. I couldn't be more blessed...I have an amazing Hubbalicious who loves me to the moon and back and back again! I have 2 adorable, rotten, hilarious boys that give me reason. We have alot of love packed into this tiny house! Life is GOOD.
My main spiritual struggle lately has been that of sorrow, confusion, and asking God why. You see, my Aunt Amy is just 10 years older than me. I grew up with her practically-much like the relationship my sister(10 years younger than me had). I looked up to her and wanted to be her. I was at her high school graduation and thought, wow, my aunt is awesome. I even wanted to be a Middie just cause she was.When she was young and worked at Meijer (the grocery store) and I was probably 8 or 9, I wanted to work at Meijer when I grew up. I thought everything she did was just the greatest and coolest. Now we are both wives and moms and busy Christians involved in our churches, and going about life. A couple of years ago my aunt was diagnosed with breast cancer. Well dang it, whats up with that! I had no doubt in my mind she was gonna fight this thing and kick its butt. I highlighted my hair pink in support of her when she had to shave her hair off after the affects of chemo. We all prayed and prayed for God's healing...and it came! He healed her body and Praise be to God she was whole again! God is good and He still does miracles.
Recently, Amy went in for some testing and it was discovered her cancer was indeed back. Not only that, but it has changed and is a different type of breast cancer, it has spread to her tailbone, hipbone, lung, and liver. Ok...more butt kicking and miracle working is in order. But then came the news none of us were ready for. This form of cancer has no cure. There isn't really a whole lot the medical world can do except pain management and possibly slow the growth. So as I thought about not only how much I love my aunt, but about her kids...her boys are close to the age of my boys and she has a daughter that recently graduated high school...how on earth is this fair??? Why should her babies have to know a life without her in it? At moments like that anger and frustration and even some obscenities can tend to fly thru your mind making a mess like the flying monkeys in the Wizard of OZ...taking away hope, and assurance, and blessings. My aunt thru this has been soooo tough. I know she must have her private times of Why's as well, but she has truly been a rock. She reminds us all that 'He's Got This!' God is in control, Jill...He's got this! I know it. In my heart, I know it. My human mind doesn't get it and doesn't know how to make sense of it and wants to just throw things and get mad. I'm kinda violent like that. But my heavenly heart knows that in all things, good and bad, they work together for good, to those that love God. And we love God! One thing I can say is this has caused a new love in my family...a reminder at how much we all mean to each other. Its only natural that as we grow up, grandparents pass away, we get married and have kids and all have our own lives, that families drift apart. Things get in the way and we don't see each other nearly as much as we once did. Times have changed, lives are busier, and the family suffers. But God has given us the blessing of love thru Amy. Our family has rallied together for her in prayer, in fundraising, in support, and in love. We have cried together, we have laughed together, we have played together,(dodgeball fundraiser), and prayed together...we have remembered family is important and God gave us that. We have found strength when some might think its impossible, faith where some might just give up, and hope in the promises of God that This IS NOT Our Home! None of us are going to be on this earth forever...but we have the hope of eternity together in Heaven. And that is the greatest blessing of all. Then I think of the possible blessings to come...the what if's. What if thru Amy, someone else in our family or friends, etc, comes to know Christ as their Savior? What if someone else is given strength and hope thru the strength and hope they see in Amy? What if her legacy is a witness to everyone who hears her name? What a blessing that is! What a way for God to use her life! What a way for God to bring blessings thru raindrops!
I still believe in miracles, I still pray for more time, healing, and love for my Aunt and our family. But this I know...His promises are true, His mercies unfailing, and His hope eternal. Blessings in disguise? Maybe...but blessings none the less.
Thank you, Lord, for hearing my cries, my disappointments, my sorrows, and not just tossing me away as a complaining child, but sending me comfort and hugs reminding me of the battles You have already won for us. Ok, I'm gonna stop now before the laptop shorts out on me from all the tear drops fallen.
I'm gonna post the lyrics to the song blessings below the video...because very word is precious.
We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things
Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise
We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe
Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You're near
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise
When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know the pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home
Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You're near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise
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