What else do I need to know?

Because He lives, I can face tomorrow.
Because He lives, all fear is gone.
Because I know who holds the future,
And life is worth the living, just because HE LIVES!


Sometimes we float thru life and think there is really no purpose for us, no reason why we are here. Like everything is just chance. I suspect alot of the world feels this way. Especially those who do not know Christ. I feel that way now and then, and I DO know Him! I was reminded in the car after I picked up Cameron from kindergarten, about all I need to know to get thru the day to day. All I need to know is HE LIVES! He lives so I can live. He died so I can live! How amazing is our God? Every hair on your head, He has numbered. Every star in the sky, He scattered like marbles tossed on the floor. He saved my soul...and I live to tell others that HE LIVES. My REDEEMER LIVES!


Its up to me to tell people that He speaks and calms seas, He walks and moves mountains, He died in my sin so that I may have eternal life! He rose again to keep a promise! He's coming back and HE LOVES YOU & ME! HE LIVES! I'm sooo blessed to be His child! If you don't know Him, let me introduce you today! Jesus Christ is my personal Savior and He wants to be yours too! All He asks is that we confess with our mouthes to be sinners and to believe on Him that He died and rose again for you! He paid the ultimate price for you and me! All we have to do is accept the gift!

Does J-O-Y consume me?

This song really spoke to me today...on many levels. On our love of God, our love of others, and our love of self. It seems many of us would do anything for our spouse, or our children, or our parents, etc...but would be do the same for God? Would we give up EVERYTHING to follow our Savior? Would we make a sacrifice for Him, after He made the ultimate sacrifice for us? I don't know that many people today can say yes. Its heartbreaking. I hope that I could pick up and follow my Lord, wherever He asked me to go.


And then another part of the song talks about how we have to forget what the world has told us...the world tells us to Love ourselves! Live for today and live for YOU! Me, myself and I are the 3 most important people in my life...right? WRONG! This is not how it was meant to be. We were not put here to serve only ourselves. Its this selfishness that has caused so much turmoil, sadness, depression, and corruption in our world. We live for ourselves. We abandon marriages, children, responsibilities at work, and even churches all because we want to do what makes us feel better individually. How sad is that? I think its devastating. I think if we went by the 'JOY' acronym, we'd find all our relationships would improve. Jesus-Others-Yourself! What? Put ourselves last? Yep...thats what I said.


There are many other things I hear from this song...things about marriage, parenting, etc...but the main thing is that we have let our love of what should be important become unconsuming and let our selfish needs completely consume us. I have so much more to say, but I can't get my thoughts out right. Anyways, I hope you enjoy and are blessed by the heartsong of my day. It just speaks volumes to me.


You Can Have Me lyrics

If I saw You on the street
And You said come and follow me
But I had to give up everything
All I once held dear and all of my dreams
Would I love You enough to let go
Or would my love run dry
When You asked for my life
When did love become unmoving?
When did love become unconsuming?
Forgetting what the world has told me
Father of love, You can have me
You can have me
If You’re all You claim to be
Then I’m not losing anything
So I will crawl upon my knees
Just to know the joy of suffering
I will love You enough to let go
Lord, I give you my life
I give you my life
When did love become unmoving?
When did love become unconsuming?
Forgetting what the world has told me
Father of love, You can have me
You can have me
I want to be where You are
I’m running into Your arms
And I will never look back
So Jesus, here is my heart
When did love become unmoving?
When did love become unconsuming?
Forgetting what the world has told me
Father of love, You can have me
You can have me
When did love become unmoving?
When did love become unconsuming?
Forgetting what the world has told me
Father of love, You can have me
My Father, my love
You can have me

Let the waters rise...

Sometimes there are songs that speak every word that is written on your heart in that moment. Wow, is this one of them! Alot has been going on in a short amount of time. Sometimes I don't get why God allows us to go thru certain things or makes us wait on things that we have planned and thought was going to work out. But He knows best...and I will give my heart and soul to following His will, wherever it may lead us.
I can't really find any other words to say right now...so I will let the music do the speaking for me. God bless!
~Jillie

A letter to my Tater...

A friend of mine posted her letter to her son she wrote about him going to kindergarten...Since my kindergarten letter would be far too sad cause I'm not exactly dealing well, I thought I'd share the little letter I wrote to Cameron while we were unpatiently waiting for him to arrive! lol

Cameron Tate Mills~

We are so anxious for you to get here! I have had contractions all day and I'm hoping we will be seeing you shortly, maybe even tomorrow. I love you so much already! I have outfits all picked out for your whole first week of life! Your cute little car seat is already in the car & we have toys for you too! Everyone is so excited to meet you. Your sonogram pictures show that you have alot of hair. I can't wait to see if its dark and curly like mine or blonde and straight like your daddy and brother have. Caedmon is very excited to be your big brother. He will be really good to you and I'm sure will be a great example to you! He's a very good boy, as I'm sure you will be too.

Well come see us soon Baby Cameron! I promise we will take wonderful care of you! Mommy loves you bunches and always will!
June 3, 2005...

Cameron was due June 1, 2005...he didn't arrive until June 15th, 2005 when the Dr's made him come out! lol My contractions were all false, he never dropped, and they thought he was going to be over 10 bs and suggested a c-section. This was God watching out for him. He was only 8.6 lbs, but had the cord around him twice and was why he couldn't move down. If we had tried inducing, things could have been much more scary! He didnt have dark or blonde hair at that time...It was red! Daddy and mommy both have alot of red undertones. He got very curly in his first year, but once we cut it the first time, those sweet curls never came back. When I first saw him, all I thought was how much he looked like his big brother and that he was the most beautiful newborn I'd ever seen! He was perfect! And a perfect addition to our family! He made me glad that he wasn't a girl, like we had originally thought he was. What can I say, God knew what He was doing when He gave us 2 awesome boys! Its so hard to believe that Caedmon was just finishing kindergarten when Cameron was born and now he's already in 6th grade-almost jr high! And its Cameron's turn in kindergarten. My boys are growing up way too fast for my liking! Every day I feel that step closer to empty nest...can't handle that! I'm so blessed that God has allowed me to be mom to these 2 precious little men! Caedmon makes me sooo proud every day! He is one of the most outstanding young men I've ever seen! I may be a bit biased, but he is! Cameron makes me laugh all the time and his snuggles are just the best present a mom could get on a daily basis! Thank you Lord! Thank you for every moment I get to be their mom!

Where do I even begin to start over? Lord help me...I need grace.

Finding my season...

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

1 To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:

2 A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;

3 A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;

4 A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

5 A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

6 A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;

7 A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
8 A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

For the last several years I've been mom. Pretty much that has been my main role. Yes, also wife, but most of my day is spent as mom. Cameron started kindergarten yesterday. I knew it was going to be hard, I just didn't realize how extremely devastating it was going to be to my world. Yes, I've sent a child to kindergarten before. And I cried then and I loved days when he didn't have school. But I didn't get to be full time mom for Caedmon till 2 months before he started kindergarten. And Caedmon was such an independent child...I worried quite a bit less. Cameron has been home with me since birth. For the last 5 years I've been home with My Tater Tot and some would say I'm a bit over protective, of both the boys. I may be, but I'd rather be over-protective than careless. I love these 2 gifts from God so much! And now that they are both in school, I don't know what to do with myself. Of course I have house duties...blechhh! But emotionally, I am an absolute mess! I don't know who I am or what has happened to the level headed or the less teary-eyed me. She walked out on me I guess. I can't sleep, I feel sick every nite for the last several weeks, thinking about it all. I know there are other sides to me. There is the Christian, the wife, the cake lady...And although those things are in me, the mom in me just wants to go pick up my boy and keep him home. I'm not thinking completely rationally. And Im tired of every decision I make being questioned as if I don't know how to be a parent. Somehow me not wanting my child to ride a bus is everyone elses business and they think I'm stupid. So in comes the angry me. I've got to get ahold of my emotions. Sadness and anger are not a good combo. I've got to find my new season. I mean next year they will both be gone ALL day. What will I do then? I need my God to help me. I need guidance and love and for the arms of my Father to wrap around me and get me thru. Im praying for a hedge of protection around my children this school year and for forgiveness for all the time I took for granted and wasn't the best mother that I could have been while my children were at home more. May I never do that again! I don't have any idea where I'm going from here. But I'm listening for direction. A time to...?

Life is short...

Last night, in the blink of an eye, a great man of God met His Savior face to face. Charles Roe went 'home'. Now I wasn't extremely close to the Roe family. But his wife has been my son's teacher for years and she truly loves those kids and you can tell that Charles loves his wife! I've never handled death well. I'm a Christian, and although I rejoice in knowing loved ones have gone on to be with the Lord, I have a hard time with the human side of the loss in me. No matter who it is. I just shook this man's hand and asked how he was doing 24 hours earlier. And now all I can think about is how on Memorial Sunday, a week ago, he stood praising the Lord for his 60 YEARS of marriage! What an AMAZING testimony! I think about how it must be to be separated from your partner of 60 years so suddenly. I get a renewed sense of understanding at how after almost 6 years now, my grandmother still cries daily over the loss of my sweet grandpa. Life is short...on this earth, anyways. I have a feeling of need to hold closer to the ones I love and a need to see others accept Christ so that they can have the blessed hope that I have that no matter when we separate in death, my husband and I will see each other again in heaven. I can't even imagine not having that hope. It would break me completely. Share LOVE and share CHRIST with someone today.

I sure hope God blesses me with 60 years with my hubbalicious <3

Finding humility in your most awkward place...

Every now and then as Christians or even in just every day life of humans, Christian or not, we start to become just going thru the motions. I've been doing that for a bit. I've been praying that thru all the stresses we've been dealing with lately that God would break my heart for Him and for people again. I get hard hearted. I'm not one of these people that is ok with showing my emotions in public. I HATE crying, in front of people especially. I guess I can be a bit of an ice queen. I'm not really...I just don't feel comfortable showing my emotions.

My husband and I have been singing together for a while now. Im starting to get a little more at ease, but I still find that the most awkward place for me to be is on stage, in front of people(I know, some of you are probably shocked by that). My nerves take over. I can't breathe right, I shake, I get really hot. But I do it, because I feel like God gave me somewhat of a talent and if I don't use it for Him, I'll lose it. Leave it to my Big Daddy to teach me humility -on stage- of all places. There is one song we sing that is our easiest. I know it the best, I sing it the best, and I could honestly sing it in my sleep most of the time. But yesterday, I truly felt that song. My ears don't always hear the words, but yesterday my heart heard them. I feel refreshed even though I had a bit of a breakdown. I felt the Lord breaking my heart for Him. Im grateful for it. So I guess for that moment, and today too, this is my heartsong...

Thank you, Lord for filling my soul!



Lyrics

Sometimes at night
I am afraid
I cover my eyes,
Cover my shame
So here in the dark
Broken apart
Come with your light
And fill up my heart

Oh great light of the world
Fill up my soul
I’m half a man here
So come make me whole
Oh great light of the world
Come to impart
The light of your grace
To fill up my heart

The wind of this world
Can push us around
Folding us up
Backing us down
But here in the dark
I’m not alone
So come with your strength
And carry me home

Oh great light of the world
Fill up my soul
I’m half a man here
So come make me whole
Oh great light of the world
Come to impart
The light of your grace

Oh great light of the world
Fill up my soul
I’m half a man here
So come make me whole
Oh great light of the world
Come to impart
The light of your grace
To fill up my heart

The light of your grace
To fill up my heart

Apparantly I don't listen well the first time...

You ever get that nagging feeling from your parents growing up when they kept telling you the same thing over and over? Do you know why they did that? Cause they know you so well and they know the first time won't cut it. You will forget, or not listen at all, or not fully grasp it.
Well our heavenly Father repeats things for us too. Not to nag us, but to help us 'GET IT'. This seems to be happening alot for me lately. I guess Im pretty hard headed. I know, you gasping in shock, right? Yesterday Dave's lesson was on Deborah, how God called a woman to do a huge job because there wasn't a man willing to step up. He talked about how we aren't called because we are already equipped, but that God equips the called. It was such a good lesson as his teaching always is. But I took it with me and I thought about it for a while and I said to myself, yes I know...ok, on to the next thing. I do that alot, I shove things that I know are being thrown right in my face way back to the back of my mental closet. However, God has been rearranging in my closet and He brought that lesson back to me this morning in my email. I get devotions from Proverbs 31 Ministries. And what was it talking about? Uh huh...you got it.
Lately I've been feeling very unequipped for our trip to Africa. And at times I've even thought its not possible that we are ever gonna get there. There are so many factors. I'm not yet equipped for this task. I know people that have been able to raise money for mission trips in a few weeks time, yet here we are a year and a half later and not even at 50%. There are alot of other factors too. But is that how God works? Does He just call the 'equipped'? No. He WILL equip me because He called me. It goes back to another lesson I keep having to relearn...patience. You've been there before with me, I know. I have to remember not only that He will equip me, but that He will do it in HIS time. I'm hearing you Lord. Thank you for rearranging my closet. I love you, Father.

Are you grateful?

I'm gonna get a little sappy today...Especially the song. lol

I've been searching myself this week. Its hard to see sometimes. But I don't show my gratefulness the way I should. I tell my gratefulness to my hubbalicious, but I need to show him more. I think its something we all fall short in once in a while. God gave me this wonderful man to spend my life with and what a blessing it is to be able to share everyday with my very best friend ever! But women are the ones who need to hear things, while men need to be shown and feel love. Me just telling my honey that I love him, doesn't SHOW him. He deserves more...He deserves appreciation for all he does for our family, he deserves to know without doubt that noone could ever love him like I do! In the past my husband wasn't loved the way he deserved to be loved. He has had someone in his life that had no appreciation for who he was or what he did. I vow to never let myself become that in his life. I want him to know EVERY SINGLE DAY that he will never have to feel that again. God has given us a gift in each other and when you are given a gift that is so precious you take care of it. I LOVE my gift in Dave. I can't imagine life and don't even want to think about him not being my partner on this journey. And by showing him my love, I show GOD my love and gratitude for the blessing He gave me in Dave. Marriage isn't always an easy journey to take, but if you keep gratitude for each other in your hearts and you show each other EVERY DAY that you are glad to be walking hand in hand with them it sure makes for a happier more peaceful road to take.

I love you, hubbalicious! Thank you for the ridiculous amount of patience you have loving me! You are one of the 3 greatest earthly gifts my Father could have and did bless me with!

"For even the very hairs of your head are all numbererd..."

Leave it to me to learn a lesson of patience one day and lose it the very next. Some things we just have to keep learning over and over and over. We are alot like Israel and their vicious cycle thru much of the old testament where they would trust God and be on top of the world one minute and then think they can handle things themselves the next. Guess what...they fell flat on their face. I fell again yesterday...so I'm getting myself back up and trusting that His plan...not mine, is right on schedule! Many of you know I'm on the job hunt...It's rough. Really rough. I have let the business world beat me down and tell me I'm not good for anything cause I've stayed home for 5 years with my kids. Well, who are they to tell me that? I'm the daughter of a KING! I don't need the business world's approval. He will put me where I belong. I'm setting out today with a new attitude about working again. I'm not going back to work taking any job that will have me, I'm waiting for the perfect job GOD wants me to have. No matter how long that takes. If He knows even the number of hairs on my head(with which curly hair changes OFTEN) lol, then He knows when and where that perfect job is, with the perfect schedule, perfect pay, perfect everything. This is me trusting HIM!

Thank you Lord for caring so much about every detail of my life!

Patience...who needs it?!

So I was looking for a heartsong to go with the thoughts in my mind and on my heart today, dealing with having patience...WAITING on the Lord. Seems patience is not a popular subject for songs. We don't like having to have patience. 'I want this and I want it now!'- seems to be the theme for mankind these days. Trust me, Im not one for being a fan of having to be patient myself. I try, I sincerely do. And I think in alot of ways I've succeeded. I waited 4 years to finally be in the same state as the man I love. It was a constant struggle to be patient, but the Lord has truly blessed our marriage because of it. I honestly don't know many people as disgustingly happy and in love as we are and I wish that everyone could have that!
Recently God has been moving in our lives in huge ways! Heavy HEAVY burdens from the past have been lifted and essentially thrown out the window! Praise God for His goodness! For finding us faithful and worthy enough! These lifted burdens have opened doors. But instead of taking my time to walk thru each door with patience and guidance and in the way God would have me to, I've been trying to run thru each door as fast as possible! In my mind I thought, God has brought us this far...He wouldn't dangle the prize in front of us just to take it away or hold onto it and keep it from our grasp longer! In my heart, I know that is not how God works. He isn't dangling the shiny in front of us, He's merely saying..."Jill, Just wait! Its coming! I promise!" Every word I heard spoken and preached from the Bible yesterday was like it was being blasted directly at me. It was like God was in the room with his hands on my shoulders shaking me saying "Jill, Are you listening to me yet???" From Dave's lesson in our SS class on Gideon and faith, to our guest speaker Bro. Moody last nite about Easy Doesn't Do It...I had to sit there and say, Ok God, I get it. I hear you! In the words of Bro. Moody, If you want the blessings of God, You have to do it HIS way! We need the power of God in what we are doing! I want to be like Obededom with my house full of God's blessings because I had patience and faithfulness and did it HIS WAY!

I heard you loud and clear Father! Thank you, for your unending love, I will wait upon you, Lord!

Here is a song that even though its not necessarily about patience in its subject, it is about following Him and walking with Him. Really that's all we have to do to find patience.

When Jesus is your portion...

I've spent so many days searching, longing for something more, worrying about little things that if I had just held to my faith, I know my God is bigger than. I am feeling a great movement in my heart and truthfully, in my whole life. I have struggled alot the last few years. I never just pushed God out, but I had Him on a back burner. Life happens, struggles come, your mind starts to take over and you try to control things yourself. But God has told us HE WANTS TO BE #1! He deserves no less! And its in those times when we push aside our pride and and realize we can't take on the trials of this life on our own and we step aside and let God take over that we finally discover that He's all we need...All along He was always all we needed! I have so many blessings in my life! I have an incredible husband to spend my days with, fabulous, hilarious kids to enjoy, friends that have filled my heart! I don't want to ever lose these things, but I've come to the point in my life that even if I didn't have these things...HE IS MY PORTION! I can make it thru anything anywhere with Him in the driver seat! Jesus is Lord of my life! And I've never had more joy, more gratefulness, and more blessings! I think I'm gonna need some more cups!



why should I feel discouraged
and why should the shadows come
why should my heart feel lonely
and long for heaven and home

when Jesus is my portion
a constant friend is He
His eye is on the sparrow
and I know He watches over me
His eye is on the sparrow
and I know He watches over me

I sing because I'm happy
I sing because I'm free
His eye is on the sparrow
and I know He watches me
He watches me
His eye is on the sparrow
and I know He watches
I know He watches,
I know He watches me.

I sing because I'm happy
I sing because I'm free
His eye is on the the sparrow
and I know He watches me
He watches me

His eye is on the sparrow
and I know he watches me
He watches me
He watches me
I know He watches me

When you look up...

When you look up, what do you see? Do you see clouds, or look for stars? Do you think about who's looking at that same sky in that same moment? Do you imagine flying thru that beautiful blue sky? Do you find birds and wonder where they are headed? When I look up, I see heaven waiting for me! When I was a little girl I always that that God lived on the biggest, fluffiest, whitest, & brightest cloud! You know the one! The one where the rays of sunshine were coming down all the way to the ground on every side of it and then a big shiny ray coming right down thru the middle of that cloud. That's where the throne must be! I'm grown and I know a little more and I know that's not true, but when I look up, I still imagine it. I still see God sitting up there watching right over me. I imagine that He must laugh at me alot. I do alot of dumb things. But isn't it the most wonderful thing you could imagine when you look up? I think it is! I also think I need to start looking up more often.

How Great is Our God?

"Count your blessings, name them one by one...count your blessings see what God hath done!"

An old hymn with so much wisdom! I've recently been feeling really quite awesome. Its been truthfully the best feeling 3 weeks in about 2 years. I've dealt with alot of medical problems the last couple years and as I blogged before, I started to let it take over my life. I've struggled for a few months to let go of all the anxiety and just deal with the pain. So I started praying. I started out praying just for others...If anyone requested prayer for ANYTHING, whether thru a phone call, church, facebook, even if I didnt know them, I made their prayer request my priority right in THAT EXACT moment. I didn't just jot it down for later prayer time or just try to remember, I stopped what I was doing and prayed sincerely for them right then, no matter what was going on. It made me feel better to put others in front of myself. Well, I got in a bit of a spiritual rut after a while. I still was praying for others, but I was thinking to myself, what about me? I'm leaving me out of my prayers! I was spending every nite thanking God for the blessings He has already given me, praying for my family, friends, etc...but I didn't ask Him to take care of me. Why on earth would I do that? So I started praying sincerely to the Lord to heal my body and make me whole again, heal me so I can be better used by Him, a better wife and mother to my family...and just so I could finally rid myself of the health anxieties I was having. I spent every nite before going to sleep just talking to God in my bed. I thanked Him for EVERYTHING that had been in my day. Even when my kids were being super rotten, I thanked Him that they were healthy enough to be rotten! =) I've been given so much, and I know He will give me this too! How could I not have faith in that? My faith was restored...and now I'm soooo sure that God is in control and has my best interest at heart! I BELIEVE He is healing me and I give Him all the glory for it! Come to think of it, more wonderful blessings keep happening now that I'm taking time to count! God is so cool...Counting my blessings has only poured more blessings over me and my family! I urge you to make a list...whether in your head or on paper, atleast once a day of 3 blessings God has given you that day. See how He multiplies it!

Here's a little heartsong for today...take some time to focus on the splendor of OUR KING!

Soften my heart...

I need to be broken again. People are irritating me wayyyy too much lately. Maybe I'm just in an ultra sensitive mood lately, I don't know. But my heart is hard, my mind is racing all the time, and my relationship with God and others is suffering because of it. Why can I not get out of this funk?

You are the potter I am the clay! Lord, mold me and make me! And if need be, break me...

Sometimes you just need an old hymn...

Have Thine own way, Lord! Have Thine own way!
Thou art the Potter, I am the clay.
Mold me and make me after Thy will,
While I am waiting, yielded and still.

Have Thine own way, Lord! Have Thine own way!
Search me and try me, Master, today!
Whiter than snow, Lord, wash me just now,
As in Thy presence humbly I bow.

Have Thine own way, Lord! Have Thine own way!
Wounded and weary, help me, I pray!
Power, all power, surely is Thine!
Touch me and heal me, Savior divine.

Leap of Faith...

I'm ready for a new adventure...yep...sure am! I'll explain later. Until then...pray for us, and our leap of faith! I know its gonna be awesome!

Pfffft!

You ever get the feeling that people aren't as happy for you as you would think they'd be over blessings in your life? It's really a bummer when you feel that way. This is all I'm writing since if I don't have anything nice to say, I shouldn't say anything at all.

~Disheartened

My friend Aimz posted an old journal of hers from cafemom today. It sent me looking at some of my old ones. I went searching for this one in particular because last nite the snow was very similar to this and it seems my spirit is in a very similar place right now as it was when I wrote this back in November 2007. This journal was written after the crazy nite we went to the midnite Black Friday sale at Jeffersonville outlets(which we will never do again). ;) So since I've had a bit of writer's block and spiritual battle...I hope you can get something out of this like I did!



Living in the Midwest there is one thing we don't go without in any given year-snow. You either love it or hate it. Well I'd say I love it if it only landed on roof tops and grass or areas you didnt have to walk or drive on. So I guess I'm not much of a snow lover cause that would only happen by an act of God. But as I sit here contemplating all the things going on in our lives right now, questioning, praying, wondering of our future...I am reminded of the one really cool thing about my crazy outlet shopping experience Thursday nite.

Its 10pm, we are in line to wait out what will be a very cold waste of my time. Its been sleeting, but now its snow. Its not just any snow though-it was a snow that I've never in my life experienced. It was BEAUTIFUL! Each flake was designed and dropping down like shiny crystals. It was like God was sitting above us and delicately cutting out each individual flake-like we used to make when we were kids-but gorgeous! They were falling on our gloves, our heads, our shirts...they were sooo pretty. I wish I could show you. If i hadnt downsized my purse for the shopping trip-I would have had my camera dang it! So there is my one blessing out of that awful nitemare of crazy shoppers! lol And thinking about it now is helping me see God's power. He has a design for each of our lives. Each one He delicately cuts out and each one is different. I have to have patience for my questions, my thoughts...I know this. He is designing a beautiful future for my little family. I know when I get my answers I will again be in awe of Him, His design, His ultimate wisdom.

Jeremiah 18:1-4
1 This is the word that came to Jeremiah from the LORD : 2 "Go down to the potter's house, and there I will give you my message." 3 So I went down to the potter's house, and I saw him working at the wheel. 4 But the pot he was shaping from the clay was marred in his hands; so the potter formed it into another pot, shaping it as seemed best to him.

Stagnant...

I've been standing in stagnant water for a while. I've had such a hard time focusing lately and in turn had a hard time with my Bible Studies, blogging, a lot of things. I'm not really sure why! I have so much to be excited about. I haven't felt well, terrible (probably worst of my life) sinus infection for going on 6 weeks now. But I still don't know why I'm having such issues. I think I'm honestly a little discouraged and tired. Dave won a contest that will give us $1000 for our Africa trip. Im thrilled! What a huge addition to our account! But here I sit wondering why so many of my friends can raise the funds for a mission trip in a matter of weeks and its taken Dave and I over a year and we aren't even at 50%. I know there is a reason. I know my health needed taken care of and things happened where we wouldn't have been able to go when originally planned...I just wish for once I could see the future. Winter has me down and extremely burnt out on OH too. I'm dying for the opportunity to move back to TX. Although I can't see ever leaving our church. Can we just pick up and move everyone? I think I just need the Lord to come take me by the hand and take me for a nice walk so we can chat. I need a pick me up. Pray for me...for open heart and mind...for focus! For no headache!

Setting out to Stand on a Mountain...

Have I said yet, how much this Ladies Bible study seems to know exactly what's going on in my life? Beth Moore, did you plant a camera or bug in my house? God is more and more amazing to me all the time. He's sneaky, I'll tell ya! It has taken me 4 days of writing and editing to finally publish this post. Im figuring either God had more to show me that i wasn't seeing, or He knew that someone else would need it on this day...or Both! He does know best!

We are so quick to play spiritual when everything is going smoothly aren't we? Praise the Lord, it's a blessed day! We're on top of the world! GOD IS GOOD! And sometimes we can't even get it thru the gritting of our teeth when things are rough. We hold hope thru tears and praise Him, trusting this is only for a season. But when we are smack in the middle of lowest point in that valley...sometimes we forget that He's still with us. God hasn't fallen asleep at the last stop...He hasn't ran off to the next leg of the race without us either. He's there...even when we can't seem to find Him.

Psalm 125:1
"They that trust in the LORD shall be as mount Zion, which cannot be removed, but abideth for ever."

Psalm 30:6,7
"And in my prosperity I said, I shall never be moved.
LORD, by thy favour thou hast made my mountain to stand strong: thou didst hide thy face, and I was troubled."

There have been moments in my life over the years where sometimes I just forgot that I needed God. When I forgot, He was sure there to remind me. But I didn't always find Him at first. Sometimes I felt He was too busy with everyone else or just not interested in me because maybe I don't deserve His attention. Even now, I struggle with this now and then. I admit just in the past year There have been many moments that I wanted to ask why I wasn't feeling Him. Where did He go? What happened to this never leaving or forsaking business??? But once again my Bible study has given me a slap to wake me up. God's promises are true. I believe that with all my heart. I know some promises are yet to be fulfilled here on earth and will be heavenly promises. But we should rely whole heartedly on the words our Father says to us. Last week we learned that God is for us...He's on our side, and He's our strength. If GOD is for us then WHO can be against us?! But don't we feel sometimes like EVERYONE & EVERYTHING is against us? Today the study discusses Psalm 125. It tells us that those who trust in the Lord are like Mount Zion...we CANNOT be moved!

an excerpt from our Study Workbook...
"God is with us and for us even when is face and favor seem hidden. Mountain-like security only comes from trusting God, not what He's done for or given us, however glorious and eternal those things may be...The difference between trusting God and trusting what God has done is a fine line we can easily trip over ..."

Boy does that ring true!? We are currently studying faith in our Young Adult class. I think in today's world Christians, no matter how strongly they believe in Christ and have faith in His salvation, we can often struggle with faith in his hand on our lives. Its so easy when we are on the Mountain tops...but will we remain with our eyes looking up when we are traveling thru the valley? Im gonna stop this post now, but there will be more on this subject to follow. Its something that comes about in several seasons of our lives and something to keep building on. So here is one of the songs Dave and I sing that I just felt was totally fit for this post and the heartsong of my day.



"Mountain Of God"

Thought that I was all alone
Broken and afraid
But You were there with me
Yes, You were there with me

And I didn't even know
That I had lost my way
But You were there with me
Yes, You were there with me

'Til You opened up my eyes
I never knew
That I couldn't ever make it
Without You

Even though the journey's long
And I know the road is hard
Well, the One who's gone before me
He will help me carry on
After all that I've been through
Now I realize the truth
That I must go through the valley
To stand upon the mountain of God

As I travel on the road
That You have lead me down
You are here with me
Yes, You are here with me
I have need for nothing more
Oh, now that I have found
That You are here with me
Yes, You are here with me

I confess from time to time
I lose my way
But You are always there
To bring me back again

Sometimes I think of where it is I've come from
And the things I've left behind
But of all I've had, what I possessed
Nothing can quite compare
With what's in front of me
With what's in front of me

Who are these CP's I so often talk about???

When we first moved back to OH from TX, I was very lonely for friendship. Not that I didn't still have friends from my life in OH, but things were different. People grow up, they grow apart, they have their own lives. I felt alot like an outsider and sometimes I still do. My husband was working full time and I was pregnant with no car at home. Then came baby...My sweet little Tater Tot! He kept me occupied and really, I didn't have much time for friends then. As he got a little older and a little less needy, I got lonelier. We had friends and acquaintances at church, but at that time we didn't really spend time outside church with them. Its true that sometimes going home is the hardest place to go. Things are great now and Im so thankful for that, but at a time I pleaded with God for friendships, He answered in a way I never imagined. I joined a little online community called Cafemom...which is no longer little at all-its massive! Seems there are alot of moms out there who are lonely! Especially the SAHM's! (For those of you who don't know internet lingo, an SAHM is a Stay at home mom) Since I had asked the Lord specifically for friends that would not only be trustworthy, but would help me in my spiritual walk, he led me to join some Christian groups on the site. I found many many friends that even though Im no longer on Cafemom, I still keep in touch with. I love them! I have so many, It would take me 2 days to list them! And I pray for each and every one of these women that have touched my life. They ROCK! But there are the CP's! Crazy Princesses(daughters of the King!) Maybe a bit cheesy, but lucky for us, we like cheese! =) This is my very close knit group of sisters. We had our own little private group there and it has since moved to Facebook. Most of us have left Cafemom-cause guess what...you put a million women in a pot and drama starts to boil over! lol Imagine that! My CP's and I are all Christians, all mothers, all wives, and all in need of sisterhood. Many of us have had the opportunity to meet in person. There are 10(including me) of us, I have met 4 of them in person. Husbands too. These women to me are the greatest answer to prayer as far as friends that I could have possibly asked for. How He knew what I needed is beyond me, but Im sooo blessed! So im going to introduce them to you one by one. I tried to make these short, but in all truth, they all deserve their own blog page. Just bare with me =)


The first that I met is Destiny...Des...she lives in San Antonio-how convenient is that!? This woman is so fun, so crazy and a true mom in every sense of the word. She amazes me at the love she has for her kiddos. Her faith, her prayers...she touched me so much when we met and before we parted ways for the day and then for the trip she prayed for me and with me. She loves just about everyone and everything she comes in contact with and she shows it! She loves her hubby, her parents, anyone who will let her love them and even those that dont let her! lol Her heart is THIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSS BIGGGGGGGG(arms stretched out far as they go) I love her so much! I can't wait to get to SA and see her again! I really think all us CP's should move to a cul de sac in SA and stay there forever...I mean TX is God's country =) She has 3 munchkins (2B, 1G)


CP #2, Our Mik! She could very well be the leader of the pack if we were a gang. LOL She has amazing leadership skills, so much talent in design, singing, writing...Her kids are her passion...homeschooling is her current career and I dont think she'd have it any other way right now. She's beautiful! She is a spit-fire and tells it like it is, which we all know I LOVE! Organized the first big meet among 4 of us in Cinci, and I was soooo blessed to get to spend a few days with her and her hubby. They are an awesome couple, doing whatever God would have them to do for His glory! (3 Boys for her)


And now we move to Diana. She is the creative mastermind in our group. The entrepreneur...the scrapbooker...the New Yorker =) And from what I can remember she hates to be called Diane, so don't do it! lol She is one of my weight loss inspirations! This girl has lost 100lbs on Weight Watchers! She is dedicated to her 2 little princesses and to her family in general. She takes others in when there is a need and inspires us all the put family high on the list of priorities, despite the battle! LOVE HER! (2G's)


Next I'll introduce Laura, sweet Laura! I don't think there is a woman Ive met recently with a more meek spirit than Miss Laura! She is shy and quiet and probably takes on more than any woman should, but all the while she praises the Lord! She is a true prayer warrior and one who truly seeks the Holy Spirit with her whole heart! I get so excited every time over the last few years that Laura has come out of her shell more. She has truly opened herself up into our sisterhood and Im so gratefull to call her my sister in Christ! As far as her addition to our group, she has to be one of the biggest encouragers we could ask for! We all need encouragement and Laura can bring it! (And God love her she has 5 BOYS!)


Theresa...aka T! Simply put...CRAZY! hehe This girl keeps us cracking up and on our toes and she loves to joke and play and have fun. I was shocked when we all met at how soft spoken and shy she was at first. Never would have guessed that in a million years! She is a strong woman with strong values in following her leaders...as far as God, then husband. She is in school and learning more and more about the Bible everyday. She is a mom that gets up super early(like before I ever see the clock) to go work out(oh how I need that inspiration) before classes. She would do ANYTHING to protect her children. She sacrifices all the time for the sake of her family.(1G, 2B, 1SD)


Beckie (My Becks) This prayer warrior is by far my favorite version of Snow White ever! Yes that's right...this fabulous woman has given birth to 7 little punkins! And you see God in them because of the God they have seen thru her. It lights up my days to hear stories of how her kiddos fight the temptations of this world so they can be a light to others! She is certainly training them up in the way they should go. And her prayers...this woman can pray! I sure wish I had that gift. Im more of a scream and yell and cry and plead and laugh and talk to God like the regular old dork that I am. Becky gets in there and the prayers and tears and words just flow up to heaven as if its Christ truly speaking to the Father for her. I love her soooo much! She has blessed my life beyond measure! ok, lets see if I can get the kid count right! (4B's, 3G's)


Brie...aka MemawBrie, but my MamaBrie...she prides herself in the name of Memaw! Her grandbabies are her smile =) She is such a good one too! She is like My Mama of the group, probably to some of the others too. I am so blessed by her strength and her sharing with us the things that maybe she has already had to deal with in life and are now coming up in ours. She is one to not complain and sometimes holds back what she needs in her own life to help us or someone else in their struggles. She deserves so many roses! I just want to hug her so bad! Someday...someday. (3B's, 1G)


Emi...dearest Emi, Im a dope and thought I counted right...Emi is our Mulan! She is gorgeous and perky and sweet and lucky enough to have lived close to Laura for a short while. We were all so jealous they got to be together! She is constantly lifting us each up and I desperately long for the day that we all get to meet her an her cuties. She has a boy and a girl and they are AAAADOOOORRRRABLE!She has moved around alot since we met her and luckily we get to be with her each step of her journey. She is a true prayer warrior as and is fervently lifting us up when we request. She also has a comforting spirit that not many possess in this world. Im soooo blessed to have Mulan as my friend! You can smack me now for not having you on there when I edited, Im have problems when I dont use my fingers to count you all! Thank you


Last, but not least is Kara...thats pronounced Kaahhh-ruhhhh. Just pretend your Asian, you'll get it. ;) Greg that was for you buddy! Kara and I met and found all these weird things about each other that were eerily similar. I often wondered if we were separated at birth. Unfortunately for me she got to be the skinny twin. ;p She is probably what I'd say is my soul sister on earth. She's ridiculously OCD and she doesn't have my passion for purses and shopping, and for some odd reason she enjoys jumping out of planes, but there is soooo much more that makes her totally ROCK! Our hubbies get along fabulously as well. Of course we both married huge goofballs that are souled out for Jesus, so that helps. Dave is my Sarcastic Texan, Greg is her Silly Asian (or as he has named himself-Secret Asian Man). We both have 2 boys, we both grew up in Ohio(ughh), We both went to Bible College, we both married our best friends, we both hate dirt, Love our vacuums, love singing, love Stephen King, and want nothing but to serve our Lord, we also both want to adopt Korean girls. lol ...ok I could go on all day. Im so blessed for my wonderful sister EVEN IF she can eat a whole cake and it not go to her hips! JERK. lol Someday I will get her stubborn booty on a trip to Texas! BFF's!

So there you have it...my besties, my CP's! Its no longer a mystery! Don't you wish you had your own secret society of crazy women? lol Its ok, be jealous! We pray for each other, laugh with each other, talk about things we can't talk to anyone else about and we truly throw ourselves down on our faces at the feet of God whenever one of us is in need of divine intervention. I'm sooo blessed and proud of my CP's!

Me...Transparant

"I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you." Isaiah 41:13

"For God hath not given us a spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." 2 Timothy 1:7

The last couple of years have been a true struggle with my health. When I first started going to the doctor for my severe anemia and the knots that were coming up under my arms and on my neck the dr told me he thought I had lymphoma. I was so scared. I mean, I'm too young for that, I had a 2 year old and an 8 year old, I couldn't have cancer. Thank the Lord he was wrong about that. I have severe pain from these knots, but nothing cancerous about them. I can live with that. However, the blood issue has been a constant struggle. My hematologist at my first consult told me he was shocked I hadn't developed lukemia and a whole list of things that didn't sound pleasant. Thanks for the pep talk, Doc! I'm so vitamin deficient that I'm now on iron transfusions and B-12 shots, chewable vitamins so they will be absorbed better, and still have to go to a nutrition specialist to try and resolve the rest of my deficiencies. I've had severe muscular pain for a long time and been tested for what seems like every disease out there. I've been to a rheumotologist who informed me that he was pretty sure what I had was Cushing's disease and what it involved. Holy Crap! Its some scary stuff! I would have had to have had brain surgery or chemo and radiation, or all that together if it had been that. Praise the Lord prayers are working and it wasn't Cushing's. However, that round of tests with the doctor and the things going on in my body really made me crazy...I'm talking straightjacket in a white padded room crazy. Dr's really shouldn't be able to tell you they 'think' you have something. They should just say they are gonna run some tests and we will see what they say. For over a month of testing I was having severe panic attacks. I wouldn't sleep, but maybe an hour or 2 in a 24 hour period and that wasn't usually consecutive. I would fall asleep and no sooner than I shut my eyes I'd wake up gasping for air, my heart pounding out of my chest, beating sooo fast and painful. I thought I was having a heart attack the first time. Accept I was cold and not sweaty and once I started deep breathing I was totally fine. It was so scary. This happened multiple times a week. I was a stressed out mess. I neglected my family. All I thought about was how I couldn't die and leave my kids behind, while at the same time I wasn't acting like I was living now with them. I cried so much. My relationship with God was suffering. Even for a couple weeks after the Cushing's was ruled out I was still having attacks because even still, they can't tell me what's wrong with my muscles and the problems involved. Fortunately its looking like PCOS and another treatable thing, but still not sure. I'm so thankful for good friends and my wonderful husband. I don't know how Id have made it out of those panic attacks without them. My 2 biggest sources of relief late at nite...My Maria...a dear sweet friend who knows exactly what I'm going thru and would talk to me just to keep me sane even if it was 3am. And Mikayla...one of my CP's that on the nite of what would be my last official panic attack talked me thru it and led me back to my Savior. Thank you so much my friends! You really have no idea how much you helped me. Thank you to my hubbalicious for not giving up on your insane wife! I love you and appreciate you so much. You are truly my best friend in the whole world! Thank you to my sons who are the greatest kids in the world and for loving your mom even when I wasn't deserving of a #1 mom coffee mug.
No I don't know what's to come and I'll admit, I still have my scared moments wondering what exactly is going on in my broken body, but as my sweet friend Amanda sang yesterday and was such a comfort to my spirit..."Many things about tomorrow, I don't seem to understand; But I know Who holds tomorrow, And I know Who holds my hand."

I'm so grateful for the Bible Study we are going thru right now and my continued growth in my relationship with my beautiful Savior! Where would I be without Christ holding my hand? I know God isn't finished with me yet. He has called me to His work and He promises where He begins a work in us He will be faithful to complete it. I trust Him! He hadn't let me down yet! I will live my life the rest of my days 'living' despite my trials. I have power, love, and a sound mind!


I don't know about tomorrow,
I just live from day to day.
I don't borrow from it's sunshine,
For it's skies may turn to gray.
I don't worry o'er the future,
For I know what Jesus said,
And today I'll walk beside Him,
For He knows what is ahead.

Refrain
Many things about tomorrow,
I don't seem to understand;
But I know Who holds tomorrow,
And I know Who holds my hand.

Ev'ry step is getting brighter,
As the golden stairs I climb;
Ev'ry burden's getting lighter;
Ev'ry cloud is silver lined.
There the sun is always shining,
There no tear will dim the eyes,
At the ending of the rainbow,
Where the mountains touch the sky.

Refrain
Many things about tomorrow,
I don't seem to understand;
But I know Who holds tomorrow,
And I know Who holds my hand.

I don't know about tomorrow,
It may bring me poverty;
But the One Who feeds the sparrow,
Is the One Who stands by me.
And the path that be my portion,
May be through the flame or flood,
But His presence goes before me,
And I'm covered with His blood.

Refrain
Many things about tomorrow,
I don't seem to understand;
But I know Who holds tomorrow,
And I know Who holds my hand.

Worth waiting for...

I don't have alot to say today. I was just thinking about how when I was younger everyone was saying how the time was soon coming for Christ's return to bring His church home and praying it would be soon. I was saved, but my human self didn't want Him to return too quickly. I wanted to get married, have kids, grandkids, live an exciting life, travel, do really cool things first. But as I've gotten older and have seen so much hurt in this world, and all the devastation going on today, I have changed my heart and joined the others in that prayer. I long for that day to hear the trumpets in the air. The day when the saints will rise to meet Him in the clouds! I pray I get to see it in my lifetime. How exciting would that be! Sure I still want those earthly things, my flesh still wants to be a grandma someday. But I long for no more tears...just joy and praising the Lord forever! I just pray we can reach more souls that haven't heard of His grace before He comes. Gotta get out there and GO!

This song touched me today...
Hillsong, You Hold Me Now

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8vTGuB-eQkA#watch-main-area

On that day when I see
All that You have for me
When I see You face to face
There surrounded by Your grace

All my fear is swept away
In the light of your embrace
When Your love is all I need
And forever I am free

Where the streets are made of gold
In Your presence healed and whole
Let the songs of heaven rise to you alone

No weeping, no hurt or pain
No suffering You hold me now
You hold me now
No darkness no sick or lame
No hiding You hold me now,
You hold me now

In this life I will stand
Through my joy and my pain
Knowing there's a greater day
There's a hope that never fails

When Your name is lifted high
And forever praises rise
For the glory of Your Name
I'm believing for the day

When the wars and violence cease
All creation lives in peace
Let the songs of heaven rise to you alone

No weeping, no hurt or pain
No suffering You hold me now
You hold me now
No darkness, no sick or lame
No hiding You hold me now,
You hold me now

For eternity
All my heart will give
All the glory to Your name

For eternity
All my heart will give
All the glory to Your name

For eternity
All my heart will give
All the glory to Your name

For eternity
All my heart will give
All the glory to Your name

No weeping, no hurt or pain
No suffering You hold me now
You hold me now
No darkness no sick or lame
No hiding You hold me now,
You hold me now

No weeping, no hurt or pain
No suffering You hold me now
You hold me now
No darkness no sick or lame
No hiding You hold me now,
You hold me now

No weeping, no hurt or pain
No suffering You hold me now
You hold me now
No darkness no sick or lame
No hiding You hold me now,
You hold me now

Do you ever feel like you're in exile?

Jeremiah 29:4-7

4Thus saith the LORD of hosts, the God of Israel, unto all that are carried away captives, whom I have caused to be carried away from Jerusalem unto Babylon;

5Build ye houses, and dwell in them; and plant gardens, and eat the fruit of them;

6Take ye wives, and beget sons and daughters; and take wives for your sons, and give your daughters to husbands, that they may bear sons and daughters; that ye may be increased there, and not diminished.

7And seek the peace of the city whither I have caused you to be carried away captives, and pray unto the LORD for it: for in the peace thereof shall ye have peace.

Ive lived in the little city of Franklin, Ohio for most of my life. And for most of my life I've wanted out of this city. As a child I dreamed of living ANYWHERE on earth that had more than 100,000 people. My frustrations of Ohio have grown over the last few years. You see, I did leave for a while. I spent 4 years in the great state of Texas! 3 of them in Arlington, right between 2 huge cities-Dallas and Fort Worth; and 1 year in what I feel is probably the greatest city in America, San Antonio! I LOVED Texas, even when things were tough. I love city life. I love the people. It seems people are just more considerate there than they are here. There are going to be inconsiderate or cold people wherever you go, but it seems to be overflowing where I live now. And Ive shut this city out of my heart. But I've been very wrong in doing that.
When we first moved here we were excited to see what God had in store. Especially since every single door in TX had been slammed in our faces and the only open window seemed to leads us here. After a short while of being here, we wondered if we had made a mistake. We knew it had been so clear to come, but we sure didn't know our purpose. And I think in a way we have struggled with that for all of the almost 5 years we've been back. Sure I have family here, but besides my sister and my parents, I don't really see anyone else. We all have our 'grown-up' lives now. We live differently. Our family is our church. We look forward to seeing our 'family' every Sunday and Wednesday, despite what some may consider a crazy schedule! My hubbalicious has to be at the church by 8:15 on Sunday mornings to prepare music for the day since he works an outside job all week. We are there late because he almost every Sunday has to count the offering and if he isn't counting he's locking up. We have our own class, sing in the choir, work in the nursery, and I even surrendered to go out of my comfort zone last year and now teach TNT (tots in training) atleast once a month. We attend youth activities now and then and even chaperone sometimes. We have adult activities, ladie's functions, men's breakfasts...We are SUPER busy all the time! Yet still if I could move my whole church with me, I'd move out of this town without blinking an eye. So I've come to the conclusion (I must be hardheaded for it to have taken this long) that our purpose here is our church. God has a plan for us to be here and despite it not being the path I'd have chosen on my own, if its His will, then this is where I want to be until he moves me. Its funny cause one of my favorite songs, states just that, and I never got it in this way. =) As the verses about the exiled say...I need to pray for peace(of God) and prosperity for the city He has brought me to. I must make my life here and serve here for as long as He would have me here. For if I can't serve and love the people of Franklin, Ohio...then how can I expect to serve at my greatest potential and as God would have me to, to the people of San Antonio, or my heart's mission in Tanzania? I have to love HERE, before He will send me THERE. So here I am, waiting, standing, serving...and I've made my choice, and this is where I'll stand until He moves me on!

Here is my heart song for today...I Will Listen (Twila Paris)


If you have never heard it, I urge you too google it and listen...I couldn't get the popup link to work.


Hard as it seems
Standing in dreams
Where is the dreamer now
Wonder if I
Wanted to try
Would I remember how
I don't know the way to go from here
But I know I have made my choice
And this is where I stand
Until He moves me on

And I will listen to His voice
This is the faith
Patience to wait
When there is nothing clear
Nothing to see
Still we believe
Jesus is very near
I can not imagine what will come
But I've already made my choice
And this is where I stand
Until He moves me on

And I will listen to His voice
Could it be that He is only waiting there to see
If I will learn to love the dreams
that He has dreamed for me
Can't imagine what the future holds
But I've already made my choice
And this is where I stand
Until He moves me on
And I will listen to His voice

What are my lips singing?

One thing discussed in last nite's study was about the words we sing. Do we really feel and understand the words being sung when we are in praise and worship? Or do they just come out with no feeling and no truth behind them? Do we mean it??? I want to become that person that thinks about what Im singing and to pray that the words become true in me. Some songs have affected me and I feel them every time I sing them. But some songs just come out. I dont really hear them. I dont feel them. I want that to change...I am making it a goal to think about every word of every song that comes off my lips to the Lord! I don't want them to be in vain.

With tear filled eyes I will lift up these words to the Lord today...because really-Who am I, that HE would be mindful of me???

God With Us – Mercy Me

Who are we, that You would be mindful of us?
What do You see, that's worth looking our way?
We are free, in ways that we never should be.
Sweet release, from the grip of these chains.
Like hinges straining from the weight, my heart no longer can keep from singing.

[chorus]
All that is within me cries.
For You alone be glorified Emmanuel, God with us.
My heart sings a brand new song.
The debt is paid these chains are gone.
Emmanuel, God with us.

Lord You know, our hearts don't deserve Your glory.
Still You show, a love we cannot afford.
Like hinges straining from the weight, my heart no longer can keep from singing.

[chorus]
All that is within me cries.
For You alone be glorified Emmanuel, God with us.
My heart sings a brand new song.
The debt is paid these chains are gone.
Emmanuel, God with us.

Such a tiny offering, compared to Calvary, nevertheless we lay it at your feet.
Such a tiny offering, compared to Calvary, nevertheless we lay this at your feet.

[chorus]
All that is within me cries.
For You alone be glorified Emmanuel, God with us.
My heart sings a brand new song.
My debt is paid these chains are gone.
Emmanuel, God with us.

Finding my heartsong...

Yesterday I created this blog with the full intention of it being an outlet for my anger...a venting fest if you will. To come and anonymously say whatever was in my head without people knowing it was me and in turn embarrassing my husband or making my own reputation be that of a crazy, mad woman. I'm in serious need of anger management. However, last week I started a ladies Bible study with the women of my church. Its Beth Moore's Stepping Up---The Psalms of Ascent. Every single part of this study has been working on my heart and working on the issues in my heart. Last night was almost eerie the way God was moving. The study was talking about an outlet...using song or psalms as your outlet thru all things. An outlet! Exactly what I named this blog, before ever going to the study! I knew God was creating a new work in me...a change in my 'outlet'. So from this day forward, my outlet will be song. And my 'OUTLET' will be open to whoever needs it that day. Im looking for my heartsong...the song that remains in my heart thru all things, that I can sing to the Lord in times of praise, joy, confusion, sorrow...

So this is where I will come, whenever I need an outlet. I'll post songs, prayers, my heartfelt and sincere feelings. Even when they are full of sorrow and tears and surely when they are full of joy and praise. Feel free to come here and join with me in your prayers, your thoughts, your sorrows, and of course your joys and thankfulness! Here we go!